Broken Heros
by BoandNora-ItsOneWord
Summary: Every year on mother's day Rachel comes home to be there for her mother as they remember Matthew, who died in Battle. Bo is also suffering from severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, triggered by Matthew's death. But what happens when Matthew comes home alive but severely traumatized.


**Episode One: Whispers Of Death**

She never knew what death sounded like until now… It penetrated through every wall in the house…It was the kind of echo that made your blood run cold. Her heart was hammering in her chest like the wheels of a speeding train; her eyes now widened with acute awareness, her ears struggling not to hear every painful shriek.

She counted down the seconds on the clock as she lay in the darkness of her room. She would give anything not to be listening to the desperate screams as they tore through her body in the same way a knife pierced your flesh. She let her own silent tears fall down her cheeks as she bit her tongue, hoping it would keep her glued to the bed…hoping the pain would help her to block out the sounds of death coming from nightmares in the living room.

She wanted to go to him and remind him that he was safe at home now but she promised him she would not; the last time she tried to bring him back to the present he nearly strangled her to death. His guilt was his constant companion and he refused to sleep beside her anymore…terrified of what might happen if he saw her as the 'enemy' again.

She slowly pulled her eyes away from the ticking clock when the vibrations seemed to dissipate, and slowly crept from the bed and pulled out a box of letters. She sat on the floor and read them again just as she had done back when she was eighteen and he was just some random soldier she had been writing.

 _Dear Red,  
I appreciate your letters more then you can ever know. During the days when death is all I see, I can picture your face as you tell me all about your dreams. (Thanks for the picture by the way. You look so happy. Is your husband treating you right?) Do not ever consider them insignificant. People like you are why we fight…so you can live in a world where women are free to be doctors and lawyers just like men…where anyone is free to live their dreams. Don't ever give up dreaming okay? It is what gives me hope._

He never signed the letters so she never knew until years later when she was in the midst of a divorce and he was in a hospital at the end of his tour that he was the same man she wrote for the duration of the war. She had a two year old who needed her attention and he was suffering from survivor's guilt…yet somehow they managed to find each other against the odds. She would always be grateful for these letters…they reminded her that her husband was still somewhere inside that tortured soul. It gave her hope when she was all out of reasons to believe that maybe one day he would love her again.

She pulled out another letter from a different pile and let the tears overcome her.

 _Dear Mom,_

 _Please don't hate me for following in dad's footsteps…I know that you didn't want me to do this but it wasn't about wanting to escape you…It wasn't even just about wanting to do what I could for my country...it was because I wanted to be the son you deserved…I wanted to be a hero just like dad…I needed something I could believe in...I love you mom. Please do not doubt that. You are the greatest person I know. Going to war has taught me to remember that there are so many things we take for granted…just like you. I am coming home to you mom…and when I do we can make up for all those times I didn't tell you how lucky I was to have you for a mom...how proud I am to be your son. Please know I am sorry for everything I did to make life harder for you. I know now how much you sacrificed for me and Rachel. I could not ask for a better mom. I'm just sorry I wasn't a better son._

She wiped her tears just as the door to her bedroom opened and her daughter came in.

"Are you reading those letters again mom," She quipped as she joined her mother on the floor. Nora pulled Rachel closer and her body began to tremble. It had been five years since her son died and her husband got lost in his nightmares.

"I'd wish you happy mother's day but we both know it's not happy," Rachel stated. She was right. This was their ritual. Every year on mother's day, Rachel would come home and they would remember Matthew…Today the flight got in early so she just used her key. She had been taught to use the back door so she would not arouse the fighter in her mother's husband, who was constantly in fight or flight mode. She did not expect to find her mother awake.

"Did you hear him," Nora asked.

Rachel had gotten used to the question…and the answer had always been the same.

"He's still in hell isn't he?"

Nora nodded her head in agreement and Rachel wrapped her arms around her mother. For Nora it was that much harder…she faced a world where her son died in battle and her husband was reliving his own battle wounds…In some ways, it was as if _he_ died too. She was grieving for her son and for a marriage where her husband was alive but unreachable.


End file.
